All Good Things...

...come to an end. Funny Girl is over.

I have lived a childhood dream. How many people get that chance?

To my castmates, I say bravo. There has rarely been such unwavering support for an actor in the local theatre community. I know that because I'm usually backstage listening to the chatter.
I couldn't have begun to play this role if every single person hadn't been onboard.
Thank You, everyone.

To my Nicky, there is no way to thank someone for what you gave me. You were the perfect Nick Arnstein for my Fanny Brice. The comfort that I feel with you, personally allowed me to push Fanny to truly let down her guard and fall in love.
What a gift to have you looking out for me(Cheryl) to make sure that my(Fanny) was able to shine. Pushing me and pulling me into the light...turning me ever so gently to face away from you, things that only an experienced Leading Man could have or would have done. I will love you always.

To my director, trusting my inexperience with a role as large and important as Fanny Brice was one of the greatest leaps of faith that I have ever witnessed. Of course I know, as your friend, that faith was exactly what allowed you to do it. There is much to be said about a friendship like ours. I felt the encouragement that was cloaked in criticism because I knew what you expected. If I hit the mark even once or twice, I hope that you were proud. I only regret that it is over just as I feel that I hit my stride.

To my family, the support was unbelievable. My husband never raised an eyebrow about the piles of laundry, the lack of groceries, the exhaustion of the past two weeks as we prepared to open the show. My children were so unbelievably proud of me that it wouldn't have mattered if another person in the audience applauded. The love of my family near and far has carried me always and continues to do so.

To the City of Fountain in, which is what I call Van Broad and his staff, which is what I call Dee-Dee and June Broad...Thank you for giving me a place to bring Fanny Brice back to life the way I felt she should be. Thank you for giving a home to a dream of Anita's and mine, and believing that Theatre is important. Again...Faith.
Fanny will live in my heart forever as will the memories of the outpouring of love that was showered upon me. I hope that she would be proud of the tribute I paid her this weekend. Unfortunately, I'll never know.

I'll continue to BLOG. Funny Girl was the catalyst, but I feel like I might have more to share.
Here's to Songs For A New World...Another opportunity to change people's lives through Theatre.
Off we go!

Dress Rehearsal

Tonight is Final Dress Rehearsal for Funny Girl. It will be a welcome relief from last night, which I've decided was that disastrous rehearsal that happens during tech week for every show.
I am filled with anticipation...can I pull this show out of the ditch that it fell in last night?
I would feel better if I had three more weeks. I'd like it even better if I felt confident singing with the orchestra.
Tonight, I'm going to have to let all that go and work it out.
I love the story of Fanny Brice and Nicky Arnstein. It is a beautiful story about how love, even deep, great love, can fail. I have no doubt that Nicky was the true love of Fanny's life, but they were no good for each other.
Beautifully heartbreaking. It is beautiful because it was a gift to love a person that much. There are people who go their whole lives and never know that kind of love. I wonder if Fanny felt lucky to have loved Nicky.
I wonder how Nicky felt after he left Fanny. Did he think of her everyday? Did he let years pass and then turn up again, just to see if she still loved him? Was he even aware of the depth of the love she felt for him?
I can't help but think of these things as I walk through these scenes and pretend to be this complicated woman.
Love is a funny thing.
Life is a funny thing.
Funny...

How Can It Be?

How can it be? That beautiful, wife, mother, gifted artist, Natasha Richardson died yesterday from a routine fall on a beginner ski slope. How can it be?
There is no explanation, I know that, but I can't stop asking the question.
How can it be?
What am I going to do today to change so that every day is a simple expression of love for the life that I've been given?
How can I live in this moment so that if I am ever taken from this family, they know that I spent every waking moment loving them.
I'm trying to understand what is not understandable.
Trying to make sense of what is senseless.
I will pray for the men in her life and all the other people who loved her.
May Natasha Richardson rest in peace.

It's all about...

Fill in the blank.
Theatre is, by it's very nature, a self indulgent undertaking...
If you're going to watch, you will leave there thinking about how what you just saw applies to YOU.
If you're performing, you spend your entire time on stage, even if it is just one moment, wondering how the audience is perceiving YOU.
Can this be unlearned?
We do it in our every day life, too.
I am the mother of four beautiful, gifted children. That isn't hyperbole, ask anyone who knows my kids. I take great pains to remind them (especially my left-handed daughter, Regan) that not another person on earth spends as much time thinking about her as she does. Stands to reason. Everyone is really thinking about themselves, if they're being honest.(I love to paraphrase Simon Cowell)
Fanny Brice is the main character in Funny Girl. That makes her the focus of much of the audience attention. I have spent more time in the past few weeks thinking about myself, Fanny,and the audience perception of ME than I am comfortable with.
Spotlights & microphones have always been two of my favorite things, but on my terms.
I am very uncomfortable with the glare of scrutiny that is on the process I am undertaking because it requires a level of self indulgence that I DESPISE in others.
Anything I say seems disingenuous when it is heard through the filter of "Theatre Chatter". Compliments that I sincerely appreciate require more than a "thank you", but what???
When people who I know and love (cast mates) ask "Are you okay?" I feel compelled to say "This isn't about me," because it isn't, but it is in this case about what I'm doing.
I must accept that for the next three weeks, much of what is going on is about me in that context, but I have to know that when I release it to the audience, it will be about them, and if I've touched a place in their soul that allows them to say that seeing Funny Girl in Fountain Inn was worth their time...Time is the one thing that we have a limited amount of and I want everyone to feel as though time in our Theatre was well spent.

A quote I had to share....today.

"But what is happiness
Except the simple harmony
Between a woman and the life she leads."
-Albert Camus

Monday...no rehearsal tonight.
I will spend the day preparing my home for visits that are set to occur for the rest of the month of March.
I will study my script and put a dent in Act II. I am looking forward to the next three weeks and trying to ignore the antics that are part of any "Community Theatre" production.
People who bring their own drama everywhere they go so that somehow it is all about them, exhaust me.
I'm a little exhausted right now from it, but I'll take today to refocus the energy that I need to make this happen.
Fanny deserves to be carefreee and ready to strut her stuff when she makes her debut in Fountain Inn.
This is something I've always wanted to do and now I'm doing it. What's to complain about?

Sacred Days

In a person's life, there are many Sacred Days. There are Anniversaries of the Heart that we celebrate, silently.
Today is a Sacred Day.
Today is Zachary Thomas Pelicano's Birthday.
The Anniversary of the day I became a Mother. A Mother. When I saw him, I didn't know what that meant, to be a mother. After twenty-two years, I know that being a mother is re-learned many times in one's life.
I know that it is what I was put on earth to do. I am Zachary's mother.
I am Regan, Lucas, and Rosey's mother too, but I was Zachary's mother first.
The moment I became who I was meant to be, it was with the miracle of the birth of that boy.
My son.
I haven't celebrated a birthday with Zachary in years. That is why this day is celebrated in my heart more than "out loud" like I celebrate most other things.

Happy Birthday to the divine creature who was gifted to me twenty-two years ago today. In a silent prayer, I will request that he be safe, healthy and content.
I know that God has a plan for Zachary and I try each day to trust that plan will come true. It's not always easy, but it's what mother's do.

Miscellaneous

I've never understood complaints about long rehearsals. I am not usually a cast member, but I've always thought that long rehearsals would make things make more sense. I like that about FIRE. Long Saturday Rehearsals give a nice perspective about where the show is going and how it's shaping up.
That's how it is from my usual perspective as Production Assistant. I felt the same way yesterday, as a cast member.
The only down side for the long Saturdays is the number of people with conflicts on the weekends.
I've noticed, over my years as a "behind the scenes" contributor that most ensemble members don't have much of a sense of urgency about the show, so that trickles in when they are prioritizing. The advantage to a short production schedule is that we will be heading toward tech week soon and then everyone really pulls together.
Today is March 1.
WOW!