I'm never ready for the end of summer.
I love Autumn. I love boots and sweaters. I love cool air and Thanksgiving. I love so much about Autumn.
I'm going to take a moment to tell you what I love about Summer, before it's gone again.
Summer means the moment of "school's out". The moment that the kids jump in the car and we have no place to be at 8:00 a.m. for almost three months.
It is very agreeable to me as a Mom, but it is really the memory of the summers of my youth that make it special. My best memories are sensory. I love the smells and tastes of summer. I love the feeling of heat on my skin, sunshine, sticky sweat, all of it.
I loved the trips to visit family in Ohio where we'd all sleep in a little tiny cottage style house, cousins that I longed for all year. Burning the trash in a barrel in the back yard and that particular smell. It is still fresh in my mind. Tornado Warnings spent under the breakfast bar, much to the amusement of my Didty.
I loved the visits to New Jersey as I became a pre-teen. Summer at the home of more family where I was introduced to Asbury Park, and the magical smells of the boardwalk and the ocean. Watching my great aunts stroll the boardwalk arm in arm while my cousin and I walked behind looking out at the vastness of the ocean and longing for a glimpse inside one of the bars where the band was playing.
Playing Ski Ball with the quarters that were the result of Aunt Vi's generosity and winning tickets for treasures. Being regaled with stories of my grandparents in their youth and knowing that I was adored by a woman that I admired and loved so much.
When I'm hot and sticky, I remember the ball field, and the shorts and baseball jersey with the number of the pitcher on my back, and the days spent watching, cheering, waiting for all the gang to arrive and then the evenings at the pool and the "party" that inevitably ensued. Summer was some special freedom. It was the moment that I decided to love with my whole heart and threw myself into all that true, young love is, was, and will always be.
As I got older...all of 16 & 17, summer was the great adventure. Waiting for the nights to come so we could wildly abandon the light of day in our Station Wagons and Dodge Darts. The group that was inseparable and devoted would create our own fun. The kind of friendship that books are written about, yet don't adequately describe them. The kind of loves that still break your heart at the mention of their names. The summer memories that don't fade, are the ones that I can conjure by a melody, a scent, a certain way the light hits the morning grass, or the evening sky...that's summer.
It is the hope that just once, it won't feel like it's flying by.
It is the moment that our family crosses the bridge to the Isle of Palms and we roll down the windows, smell the sea air, and take a moment to remember all the summers that have come before.
From the moment the kids jump in the car on that last day of school I am a "summer mom" and not a "school mom".
A summer mom who tries to be a little lighter in my heart and observant of the signs that the world is as good for these people I have been gifted with as it was for the crew I ran with all those years ago, the cousins, the friends, the love, the ones that made summer so hard to let go...every damned time.
Showing posts with label young love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label young love. Show all posts
Aug 18, 2013
Jun 23, 2011
The Summer of the Old Lady Bathing Suit
Yep...I had a good run.
It's over, now.
I went bathing suit shopping, and the result was discouraging.
I'm not "that girl" anymore, I'm "that woman". I'm "Ma'am". It's official.
I will miss the youth and all the perks of knowing I could eat anything I wanted and wear anything at all.
I can still wear clothes, but that is now limited to "full coverage".
I have never been defined by my looks, per se.
Some people are surprised by the amount of confidence I've always had and I think that confidence is a result of not really worrying about my looks.
I guess there are certain rights of passage that we all must go through. Summer is a time when these types of passages occur for me.
Summers of childhood were long and hot. The grass was always really green where I grew up and there was a lot of clover in the yards. I spent time outside in a neighborhood in Wappingers Falls NY from about my 10th or 11th summer. We played kickball, and I had a crush on the boy down the street. I was the skinniest girl on the block...almost famous for being really skinny with a really grown up "big girl" singing voice. I also had tons of hair
Those were innocent, lovely times.
Memories of Adolescence are accompanied by Summer Adventures, too. I remember the smells and sights of the world awakening in a new way as I fell in what can only be described as "First Love" and shared long days with boy who I remember fondly. The music of those summers still takes me there and I am always happy to be still in those moments of sweet memories. Summer Love lasted into the Fall and Winter of those years, and when that first love faded, summers became filled with friendships that last til this day. Summers spent getting ready in the evenings to go out dancing with my "gang". Showing up at the club with my girlfriends, sharing the same fake i.d. hoping for a glimpse of the guys we had crushes on and thinking we looked real cute in our outfits. We knew we turned heads and that made it so much more fun.
Summer of High School Graduation brings back all the memories of the heady feelings of having my whole life ahead of me and wanting it to get started already. Summer at the Shore with my best friends living it up as carefree as one could be. It was truly the Summer of total freedom. We still bore people with tales of our adventures as we lived life on the edge of what was going to be acceptable come Summer's end and we would all go our seperate ways. I was still in a "regular" bathing suit then...I remember seeing women in the Old Lady Bathing Suits and thinking, that they must have let themselves go...turns out, they did.
They let themselves go to their lives...to their kitchens, to their kid's schools as volunteers. They let themselves go to the size that required maternity clothes and back to regular clothes and back to maternity clothes again if they were lucky.
Maybe they let themselves go to the doctor and heard bad news and had to let themselves go to Chemotherapy and Radiation. They let themselves go to a place of healing and let themselves go to a place deep down inside that they didn't even know existed until they had to fight for the chance to let themselves go some more.
They let themselves go to fine restaurants every once in a while and maybe one great vacation or more over the years. Maybe they let themselves go to Paris once, or to a Graduation Party for their oldest son. They let themselves go to reunions with friends that always revolve around a meal. They let themselves go to New York City to live it up every once in a while and eat fancy food and drink good wine.
They let themselves go home to the house that they created and to the warmth of being married, happily for what feels like 100 years. 100 years that passed in the blink of an eye until one day they went shopping and had to buy "the Old Lady Bathing Suit".
I am so very happy that I "let myself go" if this is the place I have gone. I love Summer.
It's over, now.
I went bathing suit shopping, and the result was discouraging.
I'm not "that girl" anymore, I'm "that woman". I'm "Ma'am". It's official.
I will miss the youth and all the perks of knowing I could eat anything I wanted and wear anything at all.
I can still wear clothes, but that is now limited to "full coverage".
I have never been defined by my looks, per se.
Some people are surprised by the amount of confidence I've always had and I think that confidence is a result of not really worrying about my looks.
I guess there are certain rights of passage that we all must go through. Summer is a time when these types of passages occur for me.
Summers of childhood were long and hot. The grass was always really green where I grew up and there was a lot of clover in the yards. I spent time outside in a neighborhood in Wappingers Falls NY from about my 10th or 11th summer. We played kickball, and I had a crush on the boy down the street. I was the skinniest girl on the block...almost famous for being really skinny with a really grown up "big girl" singing voice. I also had tons of hair
Those were innocent, lovely times.
Memories of Adolescence are accompanied by Summer Adventures, too. I remember the smells and sights of the world awakening in a new way as I fell in what can only be described as "First Love" and shared long days with boy who I remember fondly. The music of those summers still takes me there and I am always happy to be still in those moments of sweet memories. Summer Love lasted into the Fall and Winter of those years, and when that first love faded, summers became filled with friendships that last til this day. Summers spent getting ready in the evenings to go out dancing with my "gang". Showing up at the club with my girlfriends, sharing the same fake i.d. hoping for a glimpse of the guys we had crushes on and thinking we looked real cute in our outfits. We knew we turned heads and that made it so much more fun.
Summer of High School Graduation brings back all the memories of the heady feelings of having my whole life ahead of me and wanting it to get started already. Summer at the Shore with my best friends living it up as carefree as one could be. It was truly the Summer of total freedom. We still bore people with tales of our adventures as we lived life on the edge of what was going to be acceptable come Summer's end and we would all go our seperate ways. I was still in a "regular" bathing suit then...I remember seeing women in the Old Lady Bathing Suits and thinking, that they must have let themselves go...turns out, they did.
They let themselves go to their lives...to their kitchens, to their kid's schools as volunteers. They let themselves go to the size that required maternity clothes and back to regular clothes and back to maternity clothes again if they were lucky.
Maybe they let themselves go to the doctor and heard bad news and had to let themselves go to Chemotherapy and Radiation. They let themselves go to a place of healing and let themselves go to a place deep down inside that they didn't even know existed until they had to fight for the chance to let themselves go some more.
They let themselves go to fine restaurants every once in a while and maybe one great vacation or more over the years. Maybe they let themselves go to Paris once, or to a Graduation Party for their oldest son. They let themselves go to reunions with friends that always revolve around a meal. They let themselves go to New York City to live it up every once in a while and eat fancy food and drink good wine.
They let themselves go home to the house that they created and to the warmth of being married, happily for what feels like 100 years. 100 years that passed in the blink of an eye until one day they went shopping and had to buy "the Old Lady Bathing Suit".
I am so very happy that I "let myself go" if this is the place I have gone. I love Summer.
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