Aug 28, 2014

A bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils

Welcome back.
I must say that it was a fantastic summer with many great adventures, and memories were made.
Things slow down at the Theatre for the staff that isn't involved in all of the creative things, so the days were not harried, just the right kind of busy, for work.

We cruised to the Bahamas and spent a week beachfront at the Isle of Palms.  Vacations are wonderful.

I dealt with grief over the death of my cousin. That still pains me. I said my final goodbye to the person that gave birth to me, and that kind of  finality usually only comes with death, but not in our case.  It was a difficult final chapter of a very long, complicated story.
I even para-sailed in some weak attempt to set myself free of the things that were eating away at me, to no avail.  You can't get over grief, for the loss of the living or the dead, without walking through it and feeling it.
I did feel a little more brave after the flight, and I think it has helped me continue in the journey toward making some kind of peace with my sadness.  Some things are just plain sad.
I didn't spend a lot of time on social media, and I didn't speak to very many people on the phone, outside of my immediate circle.
I decided to begin my journey anew, with the intention of becoming lighter as I move forward toward other changes that are imminent.

A New Beginning...
This is the time of year I love most.  It is my New Year. I have decided to take advantage of the promise of a new season.
The beginning of the school year is filled with all the promise of a fresh start for my kids. In the movie "You've Got Mail", Joe Fox and Kathleen Kelly write emails to each other anonymously and one of those emails refers to Autumn in New York and Joe's urge to gift Kathleen a "bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils" if only they knew each other.  I love the image that phrase invokes. I can smell the pencils, and I can feel the air of a New York Fall each time I watch the movie.
Regan is a Senior, Lucas is a Junior and Rosey is in fifth grade.
We are on the cusp of some major changes for our family as Regan takes flight.
It's time to look at colleges, travel to auditions, and soak up every moment we have left before things change for good.
That's what I'll be writing about for now.  REAL LIFE.
Working through things "out loud" might help me make sense of the every day chaos and bliss that rule my world.
There is a lot going on here and it is all perfectly ordinarily extraordinary.
I've actually had requests for Blog Posts, so I'm going to attempt to oblige.
I was inspired today by a writer friend of mine that writes beautifully. She has a son the same age as Rosey. I love her blog, because she is honest and writes from her heart.
We have a lot in common, yet our lives couldn't be any less alike.

Aren't we supposed to find people that we can relate to, who inspire us to be better?   Shouldn't we all have the pleasure of knowing that someone hundreds of  miles away who happens to come from the same home town sees things through a similar lens as we do. Doesn't that make us feel less alone? Don't we love to have things in common with others.  Don't we need a tribe?  Some friendships don't last.  Some families don't really know how to be families. But we can find ways to connect with people on a level that gives us hope that we're not alone, even when we feel most like we are.
I have dreamed a dream of starting a new life, a new chapter, a second act.  I was prompted to remember by another writer friend that while I'm thinking of a new life, I'm living this life and I'm missing out on somethings  by not living in this moment.
I'll strive to live in the moment. I'll strive to share the story of these moments with the people who stop by this blog, and I'll hope that someone will read these words and be inspired to start over, to share something they've been longing to share, or just to take a moment and know that there is someone who struggles every day with the ideas that swirl around and that someone is trying to make those ideas take shape, if only so someone out there feels less alone on their journey.

...thank you for stopping by.


2 comments:

  1. I feel very fortunate that we are connected. Your vulnerability gives your words such power. Even though your grief is palpable, I can't help but feel hopeful about what's to come for you. Your amazing openness and insight can only lead you to richer life experiences. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. I'm humbled by your comment. I'm thankful that we're connected. As I said in the post, you're an inspiration. I am especially touched by your use of the word vulnerable to describe me. I've been working on that, because I think vulnerability, especially when the facade is as tough as mine would appear, is a valuable trait in motherhood. I am always making mistakes and struggling with something. Allowing my kids to see me struggle about matters of the heart is important to me. I want them to learn from my mistakes, to the degree they're able. Thank you for noticing that particular thing. We really are connected.

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