Apr 13, 2014

Week In Review

Ah....Social Media.
I love it. I got a beautiful note in the mail from one who has found my Facebook inspiring.  He actually donated to Rosey's Boosterthon and wrote a note to her, about her mom.  Priceless.
He knew me years ago and finds my daily updates to my public status something that he looks forward to.
I appreciate that.  I love human connection.

On the other hand, Social Media has caused many private thoughts to be public, and that leads to misunderstanding.  I like sharing, and when things matter to me, or touch me, I like to share that with the folks that are interested to stay friends with me on Facebook.  If something sounds like it is about you, it might not be.  One never really knows an other's intentions, and that leads to a very dark "Three's Company" type situation, when feelings get hurt.

This week I turned 49.  I was honored to be "Employee of the Quarter" in the City where I work (Honored and Humbled).  Then things got ... not so great.
I don't plan to share more than is appropriate, but if you've gotten this far, you might be interested.
I was put in the position of defending myself (many times in a few days), and I've chosen not to do so.
That suffices for me and my conscience.

I am certain that unless one knows the entire story, they should perhaps give another soul the benefit of the doubt.
I was forced to make "decisions" that I had no intention of being involved in, and I will never know if I was right or wrong.  I will be content in my intention.  I will be second guessed and vilified by those who have chosen to be passive when they had every opportunity to step up.  I will survive judgment. I always have.

I have come to some very strong conclusions through it all.  I will continue to share my life and my thoughts and whatever I feel is appropriate to share.  I will hope that what I post touches a heart, or gives information, or bridges a gap.  I am not a spectacular daughter.  I have been very much reminded of that over the past 24 hours by people who do not know me.  I am not a spectacular friend. I have been reminded of that by many people, including "friends" that have disappeared from my life and put the blame for that on something that I did or didn't do. I am not a spectacular citizen of the earth.  I use plastic bags and water bottles. I am not a spectacular wife. The man I married is far better at everything than I am when it comes to the holy bond of marriage (we've been married 29 years today).  I strive to be a good mother.  I think it has taken over all other aspirations, and I believe it is when I write about my motherhood that people respond.
I am not perfect. I am flawed, and I am also LARGE in my mistakes and my life in general.  There are very few times that I am present and no one knows I'm there.
...but I'm 49 years old.  I take full responsibility for every bit of it.
I am not every one's cup of tea. I don't mind that.
I am Employee of the Quarter. I am Zachary, Regan, Lucas and Rosey's Mom, I am David's Wife, Mackensie's Mother in Law, Jack's sleeping companion, and I am content in the seat where I sit at this moment and the view that I have in my windshield ahead.  The rear view shows nothing that I regret, and I am going to sail on until I fail so big that there is no picking up the pieces.  I am going to live this one, huge, wonderful, life that I've been given.
We are promised nothing, and I will hold no grudge. I've seen what it is like to be angry, or feel like one is owed something by someone.  Futile. Ugly. Graceless.
That is not who I want to be.  I will strive to be a "Steel Magnolia," the adopted name from the region that I have made my home for longer than any other.  A delicate flower from a most beautiful tree, that is one of my favorites.  What I have gleaned is that the shade from my Magnolia is only comfortable for those with the most exquisite understanding of what that phrase means.
I'm thankful for those of you who have read this.
It means that you care.

Feb 17, 2014

A New Idea...

I read an interesting article in Somerset Life, a quarterly magazine that I love. It was about falling in love with your blog...sounds crazy.
The thing about it was, it hit home.
I love the Artistic Blogs...they're the ones I visit to be inspired.  I just can't pull that kind of content off.
I am not a photographer.  My world is kind of out of kilter, most of the time, so my photos wouldn't reflect the true beauty of my life, because I am kind of the queen of the gorgeous mess.
The thing I come back to all the time when I think of how badly I'd like to "dare to imagine a different life"
( I'm para phrasing "You've Got Mail" when Kathleen tells Birdie she's closing the store....I digress) is this; that life includes sharing ideas and stories.

I think that's what I am meant to be doing.  A true "second act".
I see myself clearly.  I have had the best run as an entertainer, and I'd like to continue to do that when the opportunity arises for me to be on stage.  Look, I love the spotlight, and a microphone, so I will never want to be away completely.
I have the pleasure of being able to host events at the Theatre where my son is the Artistic Director, and that gives me the chance to see him use his talents everyday, as I help him pull together loose ends every once in a while. I have the distinct honor of being the mother of all different sorts of artists, actor/director/singers/musicians/writers/visual artists...we have all of these people wrapped up into what is our family.  I love the idea of sharing the journey that is being the mother of and raising artists.
I also love the idea of sharing the story of this life with other moms or women, or men, or artists, or anyone else that is interested in knowing about it.
I have had very unique experiences.  They are all worth sharing, even if only to give someone who is searching a bit of perspective about what can be overcome, or understood, or enjoyed about some of life's curve balls.
I think I'm going to take a page out of that article I read and just write more and worry less.
I am going to share more in hopes that I can change someone's day, every once in a while if they should stumble upon what I share.
I am going to try harder to be a force for good when I am able and think my thoughts through in a way that is pleasing to the reader. I want to make them wish to know more and come back to visit again and again, the way we've built an audience at the Theatre.
So that's what I've been thinking about lately....

Jan 29, 2014

Observations on a Snow Day

1. As far as things go there are few things I love more than watching my children sleep. Every time I see the peaceful face of one of my kids at rest, it takes my breath away.

2. I can hear my husband on a conference call from my bedroom and he is a brilliant man. 
I am blown away by the level of knowledge and professional conduct he exhibits in his work.

3. Snow Day mornings are great for noticing things.

Jan 12, 2014

Weighing in

My mini rant of yesterday was acknowledged by someone that has a similar view of the same situation that I was addressing.
The private exchange between she & I was brief and honest.
It reminded me that there is a time and place for frank, PRIVATE, words between people that might or might not agree.
Humanity.  We didn't solve any problems. We just spoke to each other with respect and honesty.
Imagine a world built on those two principles.
Imagine that world beginning one family at a time.

Jan 11, 2014

Letting go, gracefully.

So, Happy New Year! 
I want to start with an observation. If one has taken on the task of caring for an incapacitated parent, it is not the right of said "caregiver" to share the private journey on Facebook .
I am appalled by the insensitive exposure of a woman that has clung to her privacy by a child with a bottomless need for attention. 
I know there isn't one pair of eyes that will see this that knows anything about this pitiful display to which I refer. But to those that might see this musing, let's all take a moment to consider that some things are private, and worthy of that protection. 
I have so many ideas for this little blog in 2014, I just wanted to say this first.
It is a disclaimer that the things I share will be considerate and honest without being vengeful or expository in any way.
Here's to a year of spreading goodness and releasing the past with a kiss goodbye 

Dec 7, 2013

Through a new lens.

Sometimes I think my life is less beautiful than others.
Those are the times that I look through the photos on my iPad. When I'm sitting quietly with my device in my lap, many times I'll take a photo of what I see that strikes me as beautiful.
When things are feeling a little less than lovely, mostly the result of clutter, in my mind, of my home, at my job, I scroll.
The same cluttered life is beautiful when it is captured through the lens of gratitude and appreciation.
It is just a matter of taking a moment to look back to a different point of view on a day that things felt just a bit brighter. We all have both kinds of days, don't we?

Dec 2, 2013

Things that can't be taught...

I've been thinking a lot about things that can't be taught.
Many of them can be learned, if we're paying attention, but taught...not really.
I am trying to figure out what makes some people act the way they do, (when I figure it out, there is bound to be a big prize, right?) and I'm having difficulty.
I am basically an optimistic fellow.  I try to remember that my life is really extraordinary, and most days, I am able to do just that.  Today wasn't one of those days.
Today I was crabby because I am surrounded by ingratitude, and that rubs off.  Funny that.  Someone else's attitude of ingratitude colors my day, and it always has.
A person that complains casts a pall like no other in my life.  I was raised around it, and it exhausts me.
I am trying to focus.  Focus on ideas and not people.  Focus on the future and not the past. Focus on yes and not no. Focus on gratitude.  It really all comes back to that for balance in my case.
I am grateful for a December that is filled with a lot of wonderful ways to share with the public the beauty of music associated with story, and this time it is in the form of Broadway's A Christmas Carol at our Theatre.
It gives Zachary the opportunity to be the King of Christmas.  A role he has aspired to since I met him.
The work that we do, builds community, and that is priceless.
I am grateful that my children asked Santa for very little, if anything, this year because they understand that they have everything they need and much of what they want.
I am grateful that most days, I am able to view this life as the adventure that it is.
I am grateful that each day is an opportunity to change for the better.  I feel like a change is due, and I want to be open to whatever it might be.
I've been working toward "letting go deeply" and that is requiring a shift in my consciousness.  I'm a hoarder of moments, of things and of feelings.
I'm trying to find the balance between remembering and obsessing, between forgiving and forgetting, between giving and accepting.
This has been a year of realizations.  One thing I've realized quite recently is that people will almost always disappoint. Once in a while, they will surprise you in a way that leaves you short of breath, and those are the moments that I'm going to try to cling to, and let the others go."Letting go deeply" is one of the things that can't be taught.  It is something that I am challenging myself to learn each day. Sometimes letting go deeply extends to relationships, no matter how old, or real, or important they might have been.
Things that can't be taught... are there any that come to mind immediately for you?
I get really "self examiney" at the end of the year. Can you tell?